still so much left to do and no time left.

dunno why havent been able to stay up late recently, i just give in to the temptation to go to sleep and forget all about everything else, and relieve the fatigue and all. used to be able to stay up until 3+ with no problem, pushing until everything is cleared.

perhaps im too soft, weak. i need the drive, again. but yet there seems to be nothing left anywhere.

and perhaps there was never anything in the first place.

i feel like i am stuck waiting for sth to happen, something to happen again that will bring it all back.

somehow everyday i want more and more to spend time cut off from everything and gaze towards the heavens or sit by the beach watching the waves and feeling the breeze. but yet i spend all my time trying to connect to everything else with the computer, internet, handphones, and it is always so awkward to lose touch of connectivity for even awhile. but yet, when i do go off for days without any links i dont miss it anymore.

now i would forgo my tech, music, comforts, anything to get out somewhere, anywhere, away from everything. that way i wont need to noe anything happening in sch, in the world, with anyone.

but yet as time passes over and the daily routines of life cycles through itself, i hope for something to happen, something, i dont noe what, anything, anything that can break the cycle, routine, that has become such a chore. but yet that will never happen, opportnities are created not given, and yet when presented have to be seized or all will be in vain.

i think i will need to spend the next 50-60 hours on the task at hand, finish up whatever i have put back until now. and perhaps then some relieve and salvation.